This example illustrates one way in which psychological maltreatment had adversely impacted the life of a woman. There are many types of psychological maltreatment and just as many ways that it impacts the emotional, social, and intellectual development of individuals. In this case, although her parents had, perhaps, acted in ways that they felt would be in the best interest of their children, this woman had learned how to "be good" at the expense of learning who she was, what she wanted, and how to express her own feelings. Maybe she was depressed because she was too afraid to take chances and risk making an error; after all, in her family, making an error meant taking the chance of being devastated by humiliation and ridicule.
What is particularly insidious about this form of abuse is that the child victim and the adult survivor often have no idea "what hit them." There are no memories and no physical evidence of being beaten, molested, or abused because the bruises and scars are invisible. It is the soul that is injured.
Part of being a child is to naturally trust one's parents or caretakers and assume that if the adult says, "this is for your own good," it truly is. Even as adults, therefore, victims of psychological maltreatment often find it difficult to trust their own judgment since an integral part of the abuse was reinforcing that they didn't know what was best for them. Many children and adults simply accept the blame and think that they are the problem and are crazy, bad, or worthless. They discredit their own reactions and feelings so that their perceptions match what they are told to think or feel. They often conclude that had they been better, smarter, or more obedient, their parents would have been more loving, supportive, or proud of them. Unfortunately, depression and low self esteem are natural consequences of this process. The good news is: this is treatable. Therapy can bring relief and a new sense of purpose.
* For confidentiality purposes, this is a composite of many clients.